One of those deeper conversations...

Ever find yourself talking to a friend that you know is a friend that you'll have for the rest of your life? I love when the conversations come up with them and you feel like you find a new part of yourself in them. Like little pieces of you lie within the people in your life, and you're meant to find those pieces of yourself. That's your life's purpose. To find every puzzle piece of yourself and simply put yourself together to find who you are.

I love the people that you can start a conversation off really goofy, just having fun talking about nonsense and your conversation can go from goofy to serious in point three seconds. Those are the people, and conversations that I love the most. I have a conversation with a friend of mine today that I won't soon forget. I'll hold back that person's name unless they want me to mention them just to respect the intamacy of the conversation. I'm also not going to talk about everything that was talked about, just the parts that truly hit home with me and the parts that I feel would hit home with others.


Part one: Finding who you are.

I think that at my age (18) it's okay to not fully know who exactly you are yet. We are at a point in our life where we don't know what the next step is. It's one of those times where you honestly just have to "go with the flow" and see where your life takes you. We have to actually finally grow up (even though a lot of us won't ever truly "grow up" :p ) without the help of the many educators, family members, and friends around us. Granted we will still have them, but they won't be making every decision for us from here on out. We have control of our lives for the first time. The steering wheel is finally in our grasp, and we don't know what to do with it. That is more than 100% okay. We don't have to know everything quite yet. But to be in tune with yourself, to know yourself inside more than outside, it truly does take lots of time. In the words of my very wise friend "Time and solitude." "...many people these days take so much time to know other people but they never come to know themseles." I find that to be true. And I find that to be something that I myself have never realized until just then when they said those words. But the question there is...do we know what we're looking for when we look for ourselves? I think we gotta look deeper into who we are. Like think: what do you like about yourself? what are good assets that you have? what makes you tick? who's your hero...why? Do they even know they're your hero? Think about it this way:
Look at your friend you've had the longest, or your sibling for example. You know them very well I presume. You grew up with them, you've looked up to them, you love them. You know how to piss them off, and you know how to make them happy. There's things you love about them. Now say "hello" to yourself. Look at yourself as if you weren't you...but as if you were someone that you would really love getting to know. Someone very intriguing. What do you like about yourself? Would you like a certain movie? What do you know about yourself that makes you stop and think "man...I really got this!" What makes your bestfriend your bestfriend? How can you do anything you can to become your own bestfriend?


Part 2: Purpose of Life

Of course we are all here for a reason; we dont ever really know what that reason is. It seems harder when it feels like we can't even grasp that reason, but honestly... I dont think we're supposed to know our purpose. Cause that would suit our life. It would make our life that much easier, and I don't think our lives are supposed to be easy at all. Or we find a purpose and move on to find what else is in store. We move on because we have more than one purpose. In the words of my friend again: "is it [the meaning of life] to fufill one'se destiny? To help others? To live a good life and be happy?...I want answers." We all want answers. Weird answers that one day, we will be able to know. Honestly, I think the purpose of life is to help others while being as happy as you could possibly be. Meaning: if you aren't completely happy, focus on your feet. Get your ground and make your life something wonderful for yourself. Not necessarily making something big of yourself, but making yourself happy. I think making yourself happy makes family happy and friends happy. Which in turn is helping them see that the young person who used to eat glue in kindergarten isnt that kid anymore, but they're still happy whether or not they're eating paste. I think really we can only help people to the extent that they let us. To the extent of our own ability of helping. We all want more in life. More than what we accomplish, but I think whats important as far as accomplishments go is being proud of yourself. Taking it as it comes and just allowing yourself to be happy with your accomplishment. Soak it up and then move on. Savor it before moving on to the next accomplishment, dont rush it all. Don't let things slip by you too fast.


Part 3: True Happiness.

First, I would like to put the whole quote of what my friend said because this is what slapped me in the forehead. "The way I see it, our whole lives we are striving to make money and be financially stable. Why? Because if we are financially stable we can have nice things and we think we will be happy. We won't have to worry about trying to survive from paycheck to paycheck. If people have one thing that they think will make them happy, the chance of failure is high, but if you have multiple things that will make you happy, you will be. Or you can simply change the things that make you happy. The sway of the wind. The early morning birds." I don't think being financially stable and buying nice things truly makes us happy. I think it makes us less concerned and less nervous about life. Like it gives us a sense of security that helps us understand that even if we fail at whatever we try next, we'll be able to still be on our feet one way or another in some way. It keeps us economically moving, but I don't think it truly makes our heart happy. Like, does your laptop REALLY make you happy? No. Does being able to talk to friends anywhere in the world because of your laptop make you happy? Sure, but it's the talking that makes you happy...money can't buy talking. Does your ipod TRULY make you happy or does the noise? It's the noise. The money didn't buy the noise. A baby laughing at your silly faces and stuff...it makes you feel good about yourself. You didn't financially invest or inherit the baby's laughter. It just happened because of who you are on the inside. It's what truly makes you happy and money had no part in it.


Part 4: Expectations.

Again, I would like to post my friend's full quote: "I question it sometimes if everyone really needs to go to college... like that's the route that's planned for every single one of us. Go to college + getting a good job = happiness ?? That's not right!!! There's many other variables that can lead to happiness. I think it's so silly. What if you want to travel the world? Or become a monk? Or become a selt educated author? Who says that all those things won't make you happy??? Society has formulated it so that we tend to go down the route of college. It's so methodical. Everyone is expected to do it. Everyone should do whatever is going to make them happy." I've questioned a lot lately. Whether I even want to go to college. Like personally. Do I want to sit in class and listen to someone's OPINION? I would love to be able just to write all day, take photos, live my own life without wondering about a test or anything of the sort. And I agree, college is definately not for everyone. Not based on intellegence, but based on...that's simply just not something that everyone truly wants to undergo in their life. We do it because it's whats expected of us. This next idea I get from Jodi Picoult (an author, google her). We become who we are based on the people around us. If someone needs a strong person, lets say to open a pickle jar perhaps, we at least try anyway we possibly can. Because the person next to us needs us to. Or wants us to. Possibly even expects us to. Does that mean we can..or even SHOULD open the jar? Not necessarily. We become what people expect of us, but that doesn't mean we have to. Sometimes I find myself looking at my life and wondering "what if I went this direction?" Or "but if i take this path ill be able to..." but like I said earlier, we should just take things as they come. Roll with the punches. I mean, it's a whole hell of a lot easier said than done. But anything that comes our way, be it trials or fun it prepares us for the next step in our life. We can't see it coming, but we can be as prepared as possible. Or try the best that we can to be prepared. We don't have to be what people expect. We can take life head on and say "you know what, I'm done conforming to society." You can be your own person no matter what you do. Whether you go to college or not. Whether you live up to other peoples expectations of you or not.




You have the steering wheel to your own life. Drive on.