I go to postsecret every week. I love it and I love reading the random secrets. Theres secrets that sometimes I can relate to and since theyve started doing the whole voice thing it seems like they hit me even more.
First, if you don't know what postsecret is, go.... NOW!. www.postsecret.com
Now... today I went and there was this posted:
This is the last thing I heard from my girlfriend in January of 2009. It was right before she took her own life. I didn't answer the phone because I was in class, and have regretted it ever since.
Missed Phone Call by eflore7
http://soundcloud.com/eflore7/lyla-1
this hit me on a personal level because Ive been one of those "I regret not answering my phone" people and I live with that regret on a daily basis. Sometimes its easier than other days. If youre someone that feels like this...ever... leave a voicemail. Call someone else if they didnt answer. Its worth it. Trust me.
Just like I wish I would've answered the phone...sometimes I wish Chance would've left me a voicemail. I feel like if I had gotten a voicemail...about anything, not even one that sounded sad just a "Hey, call me back" I would've called back immediately.
I dont know, but it's worth it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH9CxM6o-eI
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Child Don't Fear
You brought me Your mercy.
You said, "Child, just rest.
I've seen your pain and I have more for you here.
Whenever you're ready, bask in my love.
Child don't fear."
I just ran further, I pushed You away.
You brought me Your love when I just showed hate.
I didn't want it, but You never gave up though I pushed you away.
The more that I left you, the more that you saved.
You brought me down, straight to my knees.
Opened my eyes, Lord, You set me free.
And You said "Come-
Listen to all that I have said.
You are my child, believe what you've read, not the lies that you've been told.
I've seen your pain and I'll take it away.
If you just allow me to bring you to life.
Come run on home now, there's more for you here.
Bask in my love as my mercy falls down.
Daughter call out to me, I know it seems hard.
But child don't fear."
You said, "Child, just rest.
I've seen your pain and I have more for you here.
Whenever you're ready, bask in my love.
Child don't fear."
I just ran further, I pushed You away.
You brought me Your love when I just showed hate.
I didn't want it, but You never gave up though I pushed you away.
The more that I left you, the more that you saved.
You brought me down, straight to my knees.
Opened my eyes, Lord, You set me free.
And You said "Come-
Listen to all that I have said.
You are my child, believe what you've read, not the lies that you've been told.
I've seen your pain and I'll take it away.
If you just allow me to bring you to life.
Come run on home now, there's more for you here.
Bask in my love as my mercy falls down.
Daughter call out to me, I know it seems hard.
But child don't fear."
Lessons from my grandfather
When I was younger there was one man I was completely and utterly in awe of. I loved him with my whole heart, all of my cousins fought over to whom he belonged, and I don't think I ever once saw this man frown. Growing up if you had asked me, I swore I was going to marry my grandpa, "Poppa".
As you get older you realize how you saw things as a child and how things change. You learn the rights and wrongs and you get shown truth. I've been very fortunate to call one of the greatest men "Poppa" and so have all of my cousins. As I've grown up I've found him to be the most inspiring, strongest man in all the world and as I think about my past weekend and my experience at Encounter I think of my grandpa and how I see Jesus in him and how it's always been that way.
I've grown to realize that the love of my life is Jesus. It goes with the whole "Wedding in heaven" thing. It's true. I find it to be anyway and one thing that I think has always shown me the faith in my grandfather is the fact that if we would ask him how his day was he would simply state
"Any day that I open my eyes, put my feet on the floor, and the good Lord allows me to stand up is a good day."
He would tell that to anyone and I'm so greatful to have him as a part of my life. If you haven't met him, you definately should.
As you get older you realize how you saw things as a child and how things change. You learn the rights and wrongs and you get shown truth. I've been very fortunate to call one of the greatest men "Poppa" and so have all of my cousins. As I've grown up I've found him to be the most inspiring, strongest man in all the world and as I think about my past weekend and my experience at Encounter I think of my grandpa and how I see Jesus in him and how it's always been that way.
I've grown to realize that the love of my life is Jesus. It goes with the whole "Wedding in heaven" thing. It's true. I find it to be anyway and one thing that I think has always shown me the faith in my grandfather is the fact that if we would ask him how his day was he would simply state
"Any day that I open my eyes, put my feet on the floor, and the good Lord allows me to stand up is a good day."
He would tell that to anyone and I'm so greatful to have him as a part of my life. If you haven't met him, you definately should.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Oh-ver-WELM-dddddd ramblings.
Overwhelmed.
Isn't that a funny word? What does it even mean to be "whelmed"? How can you be over it? I don't even know. Sometimes we just use words I guess. I think that I'm more than overwhelmed though. I can't even begin to describe it.
Boy has my life been hectic for the past few weeks...months? Years. It's crazy what God puts you through. It's crazy what God pulls you through. It's even more crazy when you're going through that dark period when you see just black and white and nothing else.
I spent a few hours today going over every emotion that is on my mind. Every emotion on my heart really and the way I can come up with it would be complete and utter nonsense to everyone who isn't feeling EXACTLY what I'm feeling (which is everyone except me, because only I know what I'm feeling).
My heart lately:
Worn out. Drained. Tired. Stressed. Can't focus. Breaking point. Happy. Mad. Excited. Filled with God. Sometimes not so filled with God. Where do I need to be? What do I need to do? The future. Where am I going to end up? How is it going to work out? Where is my life going? Where do I WANT to be? But more importantly where does God want me?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^
That was me screaming. But now that's over.
Ever been in a mood. A downer sort of mood and all you need is one piece of information to just completely make your day, tie you over, and give you something to be so excited about. My roommate just gave me news that we are going to be coaching a soccer team of 6 year old boys and girls and I couldn't be more excited. If you know how I feel about soccer, you will understand.
Ahh.
Okay so this is just a bunch of RANDOM overwhelmed ramblings.
God is Good.
Let go and let God.
My saviour died so that I might live.
-----------------------
Thanking a friend for this phrase:
"God takes our trash and turns it into art."
Isn't that a funny word? What does it even mean to be "whelmed"? How can you be over it? I don't even know. Sometimes we just use words I guess. I think that I'm more than overwhelmed though. I can't even begin to describe it.
Boy has my life been hectic for the past few weeks...months? Years. It's crazy what God puts you through. It's crazy what God pulls you through. It's even more crazy when you're going through that dark period when you see just black and white and nothing else.
I spent a few hours today going over every emotion that is on my mind. Every emotion on my heart really and the way I can come up with it would be complete and utter nonsense to everyone who isn't feeling EXACTLY what I'm feeling (which is everyone except me, because only I know what I'm feeling).
My heart lately:
Worn out. Drained. Tired. Stressed. Can't focus. Breaking point. Happy. Mad. Excited. Filled with God. Sometimes not so filled with God. Where do I need to be? What do I need to do? The future. Where am I going to end up? How is it going to work out? Where is my life going? Where do I WANT to be? But more importantly where does God want me?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^
That was me screaming. But now that's over.
Ever been in a mood. A downer sort of mood and all you need is one piece of information to just completely make your day, tie you over, and give you something to be so excited about. My roommate just gave me news that we are going to be coaching a soccer team of 6 year old boys and girls and I couldn't be more excited. If you know how I feel about soccer, you will understand.
Ahh.
Okay so this is just a bunch of RANDOM overwhelmed ramblings.
God is Good.
Let go and let God.
My saviour died so that I might live.
-----------------------
Thanking a friend for this phrase:
"God takes our trash and turns it into art."
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I've realized...
I've realized something today. We are human and just as likely as we are to bleed, we cry. I've cried today. All day. Tears of frustration, stress, love, joy. Tears Ive needed to cry out for a long time now. God is working magnificently in my life through people who are more than amazing and there's no way I could ever repay any of them for the love I've been shown. I love y'all like Jesus loves us.
I've realized that there's going to be pain. I mean, of course I have realized this for a while now. Pain is real and it's in every day life and though we try to run from it, we never really get away from it. Pain is inevitable and all too real. But like I said last night, I'm realizing I can't do it alone. So if you're one of those people who have randomly cheered me up, talked to me till 3 am about God and recent events, helped me keep my faith, randomly spoke words of encouragement, and even forced me out of my room into fresh air for an escape from the imprisonment that our minds put us in sometimes, then thank you.. More than words can even begin to describe, I am more than thankful. Greatful really. In a sense it's almost living like Jesus. What you've done for me. You've brought me up and it's worked wonders. It's true friendship and love. I couldn't be any more greatful than I am right now.
I've realized that it's okay to cry. It's okay to break infront of people and that doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. That's why God gave us each other after all isn't it? So we can be His hands and lift each other up? I can see God moving in so many ways in my life. Ways that I have been way too blind to before. He's working through people and I'm finding it more true as the days go by: I'm loved. As are all of you. Every single one of us. Sometimes we just need amazing people in our lives to tell us such on a daily basis as a constant reminder of what He did for us.
Again, I love y'all like Jesus loves us.
I've realized that there's going to be pain. I mean, of course I have realized this for a while now. Pain is real and it's in every day life and though we try to run from it, we never really get away from it. Pain is inevitable and all too real. But like I said last night, I'm realizing I can't do it alone. So if you're one of those people who have randomly cheered me up, talked to me till 3 am about God and recent events, helped me keep my faith, randomly spoke words of encouragement, and even forced me out of my room into fresh air for an escape from the imprisonment that our minds put us in sometimes, then thank you.. More than words can even begin to describe, I am more than thankful. Greatful really. In a sense it's almost living like Jesus. What you've done for me. You've brought me up and it's worked wonders. It's true friendship and love. I couldn't be any more greatful than I am right now.
I've realized that it's okay to cry. It's okay to break infront of people and that doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're human. That's why God gave us each other after all isn't it? So we can be His hands and lift each other up? I can see God moving in so many ways in my life. Ways that I have been way too blind to before. He's working through people and I'm finding it more true as the days go by: I'm loved. As are all of you. Every single one of us. Sometimes we just need amazing people in our lives to tell us such on a daily basis as a constant reminder of what He did for us.
Again, I love y'all like Jesus loves us.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
All the reason I need...
A beautiful smile that's crooked and yet so perfect. Two magnificant blue eyes staring up at me. A giant hug every single time I see him. Curly yet somehow partially straight blonde locks. All the love radiating from his face.
Every time I hear his voice I can't help but smile. His silly faces, slobbery kisses, and random bursts into dancing make my day what it is when it's the best.
The one thing in this world that I don't think I could ever live without is two years old, holds my hand at the beginning of all long car rides, holds my heart on a daily basis, and makes me laugh when I feel like the world is crashing down around me.
He's all I need to get by.
He calls me "Nana" and I call him "Nephew Bear"
I dont find it a coincidence.
Sometimes you need to be completely broken down by a God who loves you more than words could describe to be able to realize just how strong you truly are.
The only way I can truly describe my faithfulness lately is: "A constant game of Marco Polo with God." I've explained that to a few people in my life and now I guess it's time to explain it to the rest of the world. I say Marco Polo and not hide and seek because God isn't hiding from me. All the good there is in the world shows me God is here. God is great. What's really happening, however, is my eyes are shut. I'm blind to it. I can call out for God. I can pray. I can ask for mercy, blessing, forgiveness... you name it. God can call back. God can tell me I'm loved, adored, precious, amazing, strong... you name it. But no matter how hard I search, it doesn't change the fact that my eyes are shut... it doesn't change the fact that I can't get to him.
What exactly don't I find a coincidence then? People. The people in my life that God works through. I don't think I could have ever even picked a greater support group than the people that I have in my life. I don't find it a coincidence that when I do something that involves worship I hear exactly what I'm feeling come out of someones mouth. I don't find it a coincidence that the words "Man was not meant to be alone" were spoken when I needed to hear it the most. And I don't find it a coincidence that I flipped open my Bible to the Psalms and read Psalm 28 and 30 and they brought me to tears.
Things take time to get over. Pain is temporary and God's love is more than real when we decide to open our eyes to it. I need to tell myself that more often and I think the rest of the world needs to tell themselves that as well. If I used the term hide and seek, it isn't God hiding from me. It's the other way around. It's not any easier to explain than to think about how God loves us. Unchanging, unending, and never failing love. Sometimes it's hard to see that- and though I'm in a rut I know eventually He will bring me through it.
The only way I can truly describe my faithfulness lately is: "A constant game of Marco Polo with God." I've explained that to a few people in my life and now I guess it's time to explain it to the rest of the world. I say Marco Polo and not hide and seek because God isn't hiding from me. All the good there is in the world shows me God is here. God is great. What's really happening, however, is my eyes are shut. I'm blind to it. I can call out for God. I can pray. I can ask for mercy, blessing, forgiveness... you name it. God can call back. God can tell me I'm loved, adored, precious, amazing, strong... you name it. But no matter how hard I search, it doesn't change the fact that my eyes are shut... it doesn't change the fact that I can't get to him.
What exactly don't I find a coincidence then? People. The people in my life that God works through. I don't think I could have ever even picked a greater support group than the people that I have in my life. I don't find it a coincidence that when I do something that involves worship I hear exactly what I'm feeling come out of someones mouth. I don't find it a coincidence that the words "Man was not meant to be alone" were spoken when I needed to hear it the most. And I don't find it a coincidence that I flipped open my Bible to the Psalms and read Psalm 28 and 30 and they brought me to tears.
Things take time to get over. Pain is temporary and God's love is more than real when we decide to open our eyes to it. I need to tell myself that more often and I think the rest of the world needs to tell themselves that as well. If I used the term hide and seek, it isn't God hiding from me. It's the other way around. It's not any easier to explain than to think about how God loves us. Unchanging, unending, and never failing love. Sometimes it's hard to see that- and though I'm in a rut I know eventually He will bring me through it.
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